What emotional state are you in right now? Are you excited? Anxious? Worried? Frustrated? Determined? Happy? Sad?
The most common emotion that the majority of us feel is the feeling of sadness which leads to loneliness.
Loneliness is what a lot of stay-at-home moms feel.
I sometimes feel it too especially when I’ve set a goal and I wasn’t able to achieve it. I feel like I don’t have a direction. Well, not really. I do know my direction, it’s just that the way towards my destination is a long winding road.
Loneliness is one of the most common experiences that women go through at some point in their life as a stay-at-home mom.
This is one of the results found on my Facebook question about what frustrates SAHMs last February and March 2018 and it reached over a thousand comments. The location of this Facebook group is in the US.
My heart goes out to these moms who are having rough times which is why I was able to come up with these simple ways on how to be happy.
1. Do NOT Settle For Anything That Is Below Your Standard.
Have you ever bought something that is not exactly what you are looking for? Maybe it’s something that “will do” but it does totally fit the bill?
Then you end up being unhappy with what you bought because it easily broke. Or it does not serve its purpose and you end up not using it because it’s below your standard.
This is also true in our relationship. We may be living a life that we have never dreamed about – a life that is below our expectations.
Or we met someone who lacks the qualities that we are looking for in a husband but we shrug it off because there are other qualities in him anyway that are just “ok” with us, so now we are married to him and we seem unhappy.
Why? Because we lowered our standards.
If your life is not the way you planned it to be and that it’s making you unhappy, it’s because it’s below your standard. But the good news is you can do something about it.
You can change it. You have the power to change it.
2. Do what you LOVE even if it's outrageous but without the expense of others.
If you love to go shopping, do so but don’t go all the way that your husband will have to work his ass off just to pay your bills.
Do you have a hobby that requires you to go out of the house? Continue doing it as long you don’t forget your mommy duties.
If you don’t have a hobby, it would be a lot better if you have one. A hobby that gives you fulfillment and joy beyond words. It’s totally relaxing and fun. What can help you develop a hobby is to go back to your past, as far back as your childhood. Try to recall all the things that you love doing.
Do you love to draw or sketch? Do you like handicrafts or painting? How about dancing or singing or write poems and turn them into a song?
What are the things that interest you and that you would like to try? Photography, writing, baking?
When someone invites you to try something new even if you think you won’t like, just try it. You might find yourself enjoying it which could be a start of a brand new hobby or skill.
This step is also similar to finding your passion. If you found what you enjoy doing like you tend to forget the time because you’re engrossed in it, then you must probably have found your passion. Maybe you can also make money out of it and that’s a bonus.
3. Surround yourself with people who make you feel good about yourself.
When you cooked dinner and you believe you’ve done an awesome job and you know it tastes really good and your mom always says, “It’s bland. It lacks flavor.” How do you feel?
If you came from the hair salon and you look fabulous but your husband didn’t notice it. How do you feel?
If you believe you have a great idea and someone tells you “That’s a crappy idea”. How would you feel?
Sometimes even if you believe in yourself but you are surrounded by people who suck out your energy and enthusiasm, you can’t help but feel rejected.
We need validation that what we are doing right. Appreciation and support are very important to make ourselves feel good and be happy with who we are and what we are capable of doing.
Words of encouragement can boost our confidence and self-esteem which result in continuous improvement and make ourselves better.
If you have friends who you know will support your plans, hang out with them more often.
Join groups who share the same interests as you.
Connect with people who are optimistic and will pull you up, not pull you down.
If you want to be successful, follow the successful people.
If you want to be empowered, follow the people who give motivation. If you want to be happy, join happy people.
Positive people will help you believe in yourself, thrive and feel empowered.
4. Do Something Nice For Other People And Don't Expect Anything In Return.
Have you ever tried giving alms to a beggar? Or doing a favor to a disabled person? Or offered a 60-year-old lady carry her bags? How does that make you feel?
It feels good to extend a helping hand especially to someone who cannot pay you back. When you make someone happy, the feeling goes back to you and it’s a great feeling, right?
Do not worry about how the person can pay you back. What goes around, comes around.
So if you give good deeds, you or your children will also receive one. That’s good karma!
5. Do Not Compare Your Life With Others
I admit I am guilty of this, but sometimes I can’t help but compare my life from others.
Why am I still not earning enough while my batchmates in high school already have a very impressive career?
Why have I not yet achieved something big while my friends are already doctors, lawyers, and some working abroad?
I won’t go farther, but in my family, my siblings are all working abroad as a Nurse, Physical Therapist, and government employee.
As young as nine years old, I already have big dreams like traveling the world, become a corporate employee who holds a high position, and probably like most young girls want is a big house with a swimming pool (only now I realized how having a big house could be difficult to maintain – cost-wise).
And me? I have tried different kinds of jobs, ventured into buying and selling of products, became a freelancer of an American client, and I still have no direction.
Which is why I can’t help but compare my life with others.
This is also the reason why loneliness sometimes hits me. That is why I try to look at what I have instead of what I don’t have and be grateful.
You and I have different goals in life. But we also have different drives and motivations that keep us continue in pursuing what we want to achieve.
But I guess my priorities are just really different.
I chose to become a full-time mom over working full-time in my previous job. If I had chosen the latter, I probably don’t have a strong connection with my kids and I also don’t have this blog.
So stop comparing your life to others because you have your journey that you should enjoy.
You just don’t know but there is something you have that others do not.
Though some people are more well-off than you, more talented, skillful, or smarter than you, there is still something in them that’s missing. Because life is not perfect and you just have to embrace and love the imperfections.
Because without the imperfections, people will have no more reason to strive to become better.
There are a lot of factors why we become happy or unhappy. We can’t just blame our environment or the place we live in. We always have a choice.
Changing our mindset to a happy state relies only on us. There are many things that we can be grateful for.
If we only look at how much blessings we have and not focus on what we don’t have, is already a great reason for us to be happy.
So CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY.