how to find your self-worth

How to Find Your Self-Worth as a Stay-at-Home Mom

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Have you been busy being a stay-at-home mom and now you're struggling on how to find your self-worth? I'm pretty sure that nearly half of stay-at-home moms out there have also experienced this at some point. I did, too. And this is one of the reasons why I created this blog.

Let me share my quick story.

I never wanted to become a stay-at-home mom because I have always wanted to have a successful career in the corporate world. Being a mom with a flourishing career is for me admirable. What is my college education for if I’m not going to work? This is what I told myself.

 

Until I became a mom and got busy raising my kids and taking care of my family. I felt like I am worth less than what I should be because I’m not contributing to the income of the family. There are material things that I wanted to buy for myself but I felt guilty spending my husband’s hard-earned money. 

 

I also felt that I am more than what I am feeling. At that time I started searching on “how to find your self-worth” on the internet because I thought mine was diminishing.

 

The responsibilities and challenges of a stay-at-home mom are not easy and I know in my heart that I am doing my best to always be a good mom as well as a loving wife. In spite of this, I felt there is something lacking in me.

 

So I decided to do something about my self-worth as a stay-at-home mom and I want to share it with you.

First, let’s be clear on what self-worth is all about.

According to Merriam-Webster, self-worth is “a sense of one’s own value as a human being”.

American Psychological Association defines self-worth is “an individual’s evaluation of himself or herself as a valuable, capable human being deserving of respect and consideration.”

I. Self-esteem vs Self-worth

There is a slight difference between the two. In fact, another definition of Merriam-Webster about self-worth is self-esteem. On the other hand, some professionals even call self-esteem a myth.

But Dr. Christina Hibbert defines self-esteem as “our sense of self by what we think, or how we look, or what we do”. She mentions that self-worth has a deeper meaning that is best understood “by getting to know who we already are, who we desire to be, and who we have the potential to become.”

II. Self-confidence vs Self-worth

Self-confidence is not an overall evaluation of yourself. It is a feeling of confidence in more specific areas of yourself such as about your physical appearance, skills, or talents. Competence in areas that you are good at gives you that feeling of confidence.

It is not given that you are confident in every area of your life because we have different strengths and weaknesses. There are some areas that you are just not good at and there are also areas that you will excel.

What’s important is to have confidence in the skills or talents that you already possess and continue improving it and then have a high sense of self-worth overall.

III. What determines self-worth?

Self-worth is how you view yourself. It is your opinion about yourself and living it and not living someone else’s opinion about you. In short, self-worth is determined by you. Therefore, how to find your self-worth is a feat that only you can discover.

While there are many ways on how you measure your self-worth, people commonly use other yardsticks to measure their self-worth. People pleasers fall into this trap.

Sometimes when stay-at-home moms drop off their kids at school, some flock and talk about other moms.

TOP 3 most commonly used measures of self-worth.

1. Appearance

Are you feeling good about yourself when you’ve left your unfinished chores at home to quickly pick up your kid in school with no makeup on or your hair is undone? Physical appearance such as the way you look, your body size, the clothes you wear or how much wrinkles you already have on your face.

2. Net Worth 

Because you’re a stay-at-home mom and you’re financially dependent on your husband, this has probably diminished your self-worth especially when a family member like your mother-in-law does not agree with you being a stay-at-home mom.

3. What You Do 

What else would a stay-at-home mom do but take care of the entire house and the whole family? Of course, it’s what you do. But this is one of the reasons why you’d probably do not attend your homecoming because of the fear being asked, “What do you do?” You muster to sound confident, “I’m a stay-at-home mom” but you feel bad deep inside because you have no other job title besides that.

There are more reasons for anyone or any mom to have low self-worth that should not determine your self-worth.

Your To-do list – You are by no doubt a busy stay-at-home mom that’s why you have your to-do list. Stop paying attention to people who expect you to finish everything on your plate. Learn to manage yourself and prioritize things that are in line with your long term goals.

How clean your house is – Moms also get judged how spotless their is. People expect you to have an organized and tidy house because they think you have all the entire day to do this.

Don’t live up to other people’s expectations. It’s ok to be lazy sometimes and leave the mess on the floor. Relax and have some time for yourself to keep your sanity.

Don’t tie your self-worth on these because these are only superficial and if you fail short in these, your self-worth is affected. Finding your self-worth is more than that and it involves a deeper understanding.

Self-worth is having high value of yourself as a person.

IV. How to Find Your Self-Worth

As I have mentioned, self-worth is determined by only you and not by anyone. Nobody can help you on how to find your self-worth. Therefore, it is imperative that you find it within yourself by following these 3 steps.

STEP 1:

Understand Yourself

  • Who am I? Who am I not?
  • What are your habits?
  • List down your likes and dislikes
  • What are your strengths and weakness?
  • What are your interests? Which of these gives you fulfillment and joy?
  • What topics can you talk about the whole day?
  • Where do you struggle the most?
  • What easily hurts you?
  • How do others see you?
  • What are fears are holding you back from getting what you want?
  • What moments in your life gave you so much joy and why?

Asking yourself positive questions bring positive answers that you can employ in your life. This would help you create a better version of yourself.

  • What abilities are you really good at?
  • Do you have dormant skills that you want to improve on and utilize?
  • What are your talents and favorite hobbies that you would like to consistently do?
  • What skills do you want to learn? How?

Be sure that you answer these questions based on what you want and not because other people want it for you or you’re just trying to please someone. The objective of these questions is to know your value as a person. Do your best to answer them because this is an important step on how to find your self-worth.

STEP 2:

AcceptYourself

Once you have identified who you are including what you can and cannot do, it’s time to accept yourself for who you are.

People differ from one another. Accept that you are the best person that you are and your family loves you for that. Learn to forgive yourself for the mistakes that you have in the past and that you are fallible and that’s ok.

Accept your weaknesses and focus on your strengths. You are a beautiful person of flaws, fears, and odd behaviors. Accept that you are imperfectly beautiful.

STEP 3:

Love Yourself

Once you have identified who you are including what you can and cannot do, it’s time to accept yourself for who you are.

People differ from one another. Accept that you are the best person that you are and your family loves you for that. Learn to forgive yourself for the mistakes that you have in the past and that you are fallible and that’s ok.

Accept your weaknesses and focus on your strengths. You are a beautiful person of flaws, fears, and odd behaviors. Accept that you are imperfectly beautiful.

STEP 4:

Meditation

One of the benefits of meditation is it promotes emotional and mental health. It calms your mind, relaxes your body, and gives you which enhances your self-awareness and giving you clarity. Try to set aside at least 20 minutes in the morning and in the afternoon to meditate. Do this consistently and you’ll find yourself calmer and happier.

V. Obstacles on How to Find Your Self-Worth

In life, there will always be people or situations that can blow your bubble and pull you down.

The best example of this is the negative people who do not believe in you but only see your mistakes and not what you’ve accomplished. They see only what you didn’t do instead of looking at what you have done.

It’s hard to avoid this because it’s beyond your control. What you can control is yourself, thus, protecting you from getting derailed in your pursuit of self-worth.

Cliche as it is but “we are the biggest obstacle.” Here are the obstacles to finding your self-worth that you should avoid.

Because stay-at-home moms are busy with all the house chores and kids leaving you exhausted at the end of the day, you tend to put off yourself at the end of the list. Having time for yourself gives you time for reflection, thus understanding yourself better.

What you tell about yourself constantly has a big impact on how you perceive yourself. When there’s a negative voice inside you that is not helping you find your self-worth, push it off right away and replace it with positive self-talk.

It’s ok to have a quiet time for yourself. This is the time to regain your energy so you can continue being an effective mom to your kids and a wife to your spouse.

It’s easier to improve your strengths and utilize them than to work on your weaknesses. Being able to use your skills and talents give you more sense of accomplishment and fulfillment. While working on your weaknesses is like planting in uncultivated soil.

The problem with this if it doesn’t grow you will only blame yourself for not being able to grow a plant which may affect how you see yourself. So focus on what you can do, not on what you cannot do.

VI. Examples of Healthy Self-Worth

How does healthy self-worth look like? How does one know if you have healthy self-worth? Take a look at these examples.

Example no.1

Mia has been a stay-at-home for 5 years already with 2 kids. She graduated top of her class in college and got a great job but chose to stay home for her kids. She is a terrible cook and she’s not fond of sprucing herself up when she and her husband would go on a date.


Although her parents wanted her to continue working because she’s an intelligent woman with great potential to become a manager someday, she knows that she chose the right thing and that is to become a full-time housewife so she can witness every milestone of her kids.

Example no.2

Another example is Stacy. She never graduated from college and only finished secondary education. She and her husband have been married for 8 years already and have 4 kids. Stacy prides herself on being an amazing cook, having a nice and clean house, and takes care of her family well.

Her mother-in-law has never been in favor of her son’s marriage with Stacy because she wanted someone who has a nice College education or someone who belongs to a well-off family. Despite of this, Stacy stays happy because she knows that her husband loves her and she knows what she is good at and that is being a good housewife.

Example no.3

Consider the case of Diane who is also a stay-at-home mom and whose husband is not vocal in appreciation and lacks thoughtfulness. Diane chose to become a stay-at-home mom even though she can go back to the workforce. She is an introvert and has very few friends which are the opposite of her husband. Her hobbies include reading books, baking, scrapbooking, and dressmaking.

Even though her husband sometimes wishes she joins them longer in gatherings, she knows what she wants and she finds more contentment and enjoyment in solitary activities than in a large group of people. She knows her worth and she knows who she is and who she is not. She knows she deserves to be respected for that.

VII. Conclusion

Tying your self-worth on things that do not last such as material possessions, impressions of other people on you, status in life or your physical appearance will give you shakeable self-worth.

Don’t let outside voices dictate your worth. It is only you who can determine what is more important to you as a person and as a woman so you can give more value to yourself.

Remember that you are the role model to your kids especially to your daughter (if you have one). You cannot teach her what is more valuable if you yourself is not clear on that. So take the time on how to find your self-worth and make sure you find it in you.

Know yourself, accept your imperfections, and thrive in whatever it is that makes you feel a better person.

If you focus more on your strengths and on what truly matters to you, and if you invest a lot of time and energy into it, and get the results that matter to you, that is when you have found your self-worth.

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